I've been spending a lot of time the last few years inside of my own head, avoiding the world going on around me. It's a coping mechanism, for sure, and an unhealthy one.
However, recent life events, beginning the day before 2018 began and continuing right up until this past Sunday, have been the alarm clock that I've needed.
<WAKE UP. LIVE YOUR LIFE.> <WAKE UP. LIVE YOUR LIFE.> <WAKE UP. LIVE YOUR LIFE.>
There have been a few days this year so far where I've hit the snooze button on life. Postponed it for a few more hours. But more often, I've listened to the alarm, woken up, and lived my days a little more aware, a little more present, a little more me.
This last week, I have had to be present. I have had to be aware. I have been me. It's been so long since I've been me that I had forgotten what it felt like. I had forgotten, a little bit, who I am. I had hidden away for so long, it was like looking into a foggy mirror after getting out of the shower.
But each day I'm waking up to that alarm - <WAKE UP. LIVE YOUR LIFE.> - wiping down that mirror, and reminding myself who I am.
I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. It's not. I still want to hit snooze. I still want to sleep. I still want to hide away.
But I also want to wake up. I also want to live. I also want to learn.
So I've pledged to wake up, to live, to learn. To awaken and wipe away that fog and rediscover who I am and who I want to be.
Good morning, world. Here I am.
Glad you are here! As you said, purposefully living and learning can be challenging.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you shared that, as I have been using almost the same words for myself lately. Otherwise, it's so easy to get bogged down by the fears that half the time I don't even realize are running the show. This is a great space to begin working with that. Glad to meet you!
DeleteI really enjoyed reading your post. Your ideas about being present rang true to me. I wrote about something similar. I know it's hard to live in the moment, to savor, to be grateful. I loved your use of repetition in this piece!
ReplyDeleteThank you :) It can be SO hard, and if you haven't lived it, I'm not sure you'd understand it. Thanks for sharing in the experience with me!
DeleteThe only moment we have to live is now. I faced that big time when my husband was in the Navy doing submarine duty --weeks without a single word from him or his boat. Their mission was to go undetected for weeks so they sent no communications while on patrol. During his first patrol, I struggled with living in memory or living for the day of his return because the present was lonely and scary. Then I realized that was not living and began making choices for living and found strength in my faith. Choosing to write daily with the SOLC community is a great step to help you "to wake up, to live, to learn."
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting! I have a friend whose husband is away in the military and she is going through similar blackout periods. It's scary - but she has a baby to take care of and she is so present and lives every day.
DeleteI think your point about each day being lonely and scary and not knowing what to do to combat that is the source of some of my reactions and defenses. This space is great for me to work out some of this.
Thanks for such a thoughtful response, I appreciate it!
Welcome back, Ashley! I truly believe that daily writing will help you on your journey to finding yourself and allow you the opportunity to live this life right now. One word at a time. You got this! Happy writing!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle! Nice to see you again!
DeleteI too am hoping that writing can help. In the tragic events of 2018 so far, writing hasn't necessarily been something I turn to. But I'm hoping that this month will change that - one word at a time. :)
Thanks for checking in!