As I wrote yesterday, 2018 has been a tough one, actually even stretching back to the late December of 2017. Between traumatic injuries, deaths in the family, and illnesses - I just can't keep up.
This year, more than ever before, I've focused on self-care. I pay attention to my water intake, to the food I'm eating, to the time I'm taking with myself. And thank goodness I have, or these ten weeks would have gotten the best of me.
This year, more than ever before, I've focused on self-care. I pay attention to my water intake, to the food I'm eating, to the time I'm taking with myself. And thank goodness I have, or these ten weeks would have gotten the best of me.
One thing that happened, quite naturally actually, is that I have gone silent. No more TV in the background, no more podcasts while I shower, no more radio in the car. Complete. Silence.
Before this? I woke up to music. Played Pandora or podcasts or ESPN Radio while I showered and got ready. Worked out or ran to upbeat cardio music. Worked on the computer to music. Channel surfed while driving to sing along. Consumed podcasts while cleaning and doing laundry. Turned the TV on as soon as I sat down at night, even if I was reading or something, and didn't turn it off until I fell asleep - most nights falling asleep to the TV.
But 2018 has been hard. I've been working through so many fears, insecurities, emotions - that my brain is so full. Too full to add anything else to.
I'm an anxious person in general, so noise has been almost a filter for me - noise has helped to keep other things at bay, allowed me to focus, or distracted me
But 2018 has been hard - so hard. And I've had to face those fears, insecurities, emotions. And facing those things has been exhausting and strenuous. So noise, instead of an out or a distraction or a release - had become just another thing.
So silence is my best friend. It allows me to be present. To almost meditate while I drive or clean, allowing thoughts to come and go like cars on a highway. I wave at them as they go by, sometimes letting them slow down, but mostly just moving them along.
2018 will continue to test me. And I will continue to rise to the challenge. I didn't think silence would be a weapon for me - but so far, it's helping me come out on top.
Finding solace
ReplyDeletein this
silence,
slowing down
to keep up.
I am turning
the world down
to a low hum,
listening to
my mind
my body
the beat of
my own internal
drum.
-- I was moved by your piece, and hope you don't mind a poem as a comment.
Kevin
Kevin. I've copied this to write out in calligraphy and put on my desk as a reminder to "listen to my mind, my body, the beat of my own internal drum." I so appreciate this. I don't have enough words. My hands are on my heart. My head bows to you. Thank you. Thank you.
DeleteI am so sorry you are having such a hard year. It sounds like you are doing the best you can to work through it. It's interesting that you are finding solace in silence. I like quiet too-- I think sometimes because I am in so much noise all day that it just feels good to turn it off and be still. Wishing you peace…
ReplyDeleteThank you. There were days as a classroom teacher where I definitely came home and sat in silence. But this is much more pervasive, so I'm glad to have found something that helps.
DeleteSilence can be restorative. I don’t use it enough. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHappy to help! :)
DeleteYears ago I had taken our church youth on a mission trip and was forced to go to sleep in silence. Wow. Life changing. The leaders of the mission trip emphasized to our youth that we must spend time daily in silence--and I find that to be true for everyone. Sometimes it's hard but it's worth it for the calm and peace I feel. Keep the silence!
ReplyDeleteI honestly feel as if in the last few years, if I had been expected to go to sleep in silence, I would have slept so so poorly. I'm feeling good about this new routine!
DeleteWow, what a powerful piece. I found myself reflecting on my day, and I tend to have lots of noise around me. I wonder why that is. I hope you find solace.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't necessarily realized how much I was avoiding silence - until I stopped. Then the reflection and realization came about. <3
DeleteSorry to hear that you are going through tough times. Self-care and self-compassion are so necessary for staying healthy both physically and emotionally. Your post is honest.
ReplyDeleteThank you <3 If I hadn't had such a tough start to the year and sat down to do a One Little Word, honesty might have been mine.
DeleteSilence is under-rated, and I'm on the same journey, but really struggling to embrace quiet. Your post is a good reminder that there are so many more times when I can "turn off" and "tune in" (to me). (Of course, what I really want to ask is, "What's your favorite podcast?"!!!!)
ReplyDeleteIt's happened very organically - but been so refreshing.
DeletePodcast wise - I'm all over the place! Pop Culture Happy Hour and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Dear Sugars. Fun Therapy. Magic Lessons w/Elizabeth Gilbert. Teachonomy. Daily Boost. The Moth. This Podcast WIll Change Your Life. :)
Some years challenge us, and it sounds like this one is making you stronger. I'm a silence lover, and I don't get enough of it. My girls are always surprised when they turn on the car and the music DOESN't blast. Maybe the more we're in chaotic environments or spaces, the more we need the silence.
ReplyDeleteLOVE Kevin's poem.
It certainly has challenged me - and I think I'm getting stronger. I know my marriage certainly is!
DeleteKevin's poem moved me more than I can express in words. I was so touched.
I can relate to your piece and empathize with your need for silence. I think when the world is so 'noisy' around us, we need to get out of that noise and start to hear ourselves and our thoughts. This is so beautiful and sad and I hope that the silence brings you peace and strength to make it through the year.
ReplyDelete