Worry

I woke up to the cats playing tag on the floor next to me. I reached over to press the button to find out what time they decided I needed to be awake tonight. The clock read 2:33. That's pretty usual for them, especially after the time change. And the fact that they're cats and sleep all day!

Following my usual routine, I got up to use the bathroom. As I climbed back into bed, I didn't feel the usual sleepiness that signaled that I would be back in Dreamland again soon. Instead, a current of energy coursed through my veins. It also could have been the sugar from the sleeve of Thin Mints I ate after dinner (don't judge). Either way, I was now awake.

After I had mentally walked through every room in my house, labeling and pricing items within each for a future tag sale that I hadn't known I was having until 2:38 that morning, I began thinking about June.

See, June is going to be a tough month. For me, for my husband, and for our two cats.

We will be spending the next two months packing up our home, getting rid of some things in the tag sale I just decided we're having (why do all my bright ideas come at 2:30am?), and trying to figure out what our next step will be. There are a few things on the table.

But my biggest actual worry about all of that (because our stuff is just stuff, and my hubby and I can rest our heads pretty much anywhere including a tent) is around our cats. Specifically my female cat, Skittles.

See, Sydney, our male cat, is very much your typical housecat. He is lazy, loves the sun, and pretty much lets anyone pet, hold, or grab him. He is great with kids, as he is pretty happy as long as anyone is paying attention to him, even if that attention is grabbing or pulling fur. When we went to look at the shelter, he reached his paw out of the cage and hooked my husband's shirt with his paw - and my hubby was a goner.

Sydney being Sydney - always looking for a cuddle.

Now Skittles? She is nothing like that.

When we went to see Sydney at the shelter after he had chosen my husband, I fell in love with the fur pattern of another kitten, one much younger and smaller than Sydney. Because of her beautiful fur, there was a waiting list for her. I had resigned myself to only getting Sydney and not getting "my own" cat, when we noticed that Sydney was not alone in his crate. He was housed with another cat, but this one did not push her paws out at people. Instead, she cowered in the back of the crate, trying to make herself smaller than she already was. Her mother had died during {cat}birth, and she had been in the shelter her whole life, so it was all she knew - and she was scared of all of it.

I knew cats, and I knew that this wasn't going to be a cat that was going to get adopted anytime soon. Who wants a cat that's afraid of absolutely everything?

So Sydney and Skittles came home with us.

She took a looooong time to get comfortable with us. I could tell plenty of stories about her adjustment - the times I've thought we lost her because she hides so well, the time when she got so scared she lost the memory of Sydney's scent and swiped him, the time that we literally scared the crap out of her by accident, and the first time she finally let me kiss her on the head without running away - all Slices for another time.

Skittles curled up in her usual circle, probably on top of my legs.

But I'm sitting here with her now, and she is curled up on my legs (they're just about asleep) as she is every single night.

And it breaks my heart that I'm going to have to scare her.

I'm going to have to pick her up (wish me luck with that one) and put her in a crate. I'm going to have to bring her to a strange place, with strange smells. I may have to bring her to a place where there is already a cat living there. I'm going to have to make sure to have blankets and scratching posts and smells and things that she recognizes. I'm going to have to spend time coaxing her out from under whatever bed, couch, or chair she's hidden herself under to make sure she is eating and drinking water. I'm going to have to leave her in this strange smelling place to go to work and yoga and parties.

I don't care where I go, where I'll sleep, where my stuff will be. I just worry that this sweet little cat, who finally loves and trusts us, will be scared. We'll love on her and do all we can to make the transition an easy one. But I know she'll be scared because of what we have to do.

It weighs heavy on my heart and in my mind.

Skittles on the left, sharing a window seat with Sydney on the right. Notice the paw that looks like it's hugging? She's just establishing that she's in charge. 😉