One Word at a Time

I cried.      I cried at the bar. I cried at the bar, surrounded by faces.      I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces. I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in.      I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in - he is leaving. I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in - he is leaving, and so is she.      I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in - he is leaving, and so is she, and they'll be gone. I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in - he is leaving, and so is she, and they'll be gone, off to the West Coast.      I cried at the bar, surrounded by known and unknown faces, as it sunk in - he is leaving, and so is she, and they'll be gone, off to the West Coast; time is fleeting. I cried at the bar, surrounded by known a...

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring . . . "He's not answering. He's such a deep sleeper, he probably won't wake up." Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring . . . "Maybe try FaceTiming him," Emily suggested.  "It will make a different noise, and maybe that will wake him up." Bring bring, bring bring, bring bring . . . "I'm going to pull off the highway.  I don't like that sound - I just know it isn't right - so I'll pull off and turn it off and let it sit for a little bit.  Maybe that will help.  But keep trying.  Maybe through Facebook?  Can't you call through there now?" As the signal light blinked on and off, the silence was noticeable.  Where, five minutes earlier, you could hear the sound of two voices trying to sing along to Mariah Carey's anthem, All I Want for Christmas Is You, now there was nothing.  All ears were tuned to the engine and the noise it was making. "That definitely doesn't soun...

To me, this is about restraint. When I was a baby, there was no such thing as restraint!  When I loved something, I screeched, grabbed, scooted, kissed - I was completely overtaken by my love and wanted to tell the world.  My heart was literally on the outside of my body, reminding me of the term "wear your heart on your sleeve." Over time, restraint was a learned skill.  Somehow, through direct teaching or modeled behavior, I learned to "control" my emotions. When I saw something I liked, it was no longer "appropriate" to screech, grab, kiss. I still felt the same rush of emotion and joy - but it was half inside and half outside - still a smile, a laugh, a hug. Now, as an adult, restraint is a part of everything.  I shouldn't laugh too loud or too long, I shouldn't hold too hard, squeeze too tight.  Often we are reminded of something we love by a comment, a smell, an image.  And as we grow older, the amount of things we love, and ca...

Early Saturday afternoon posted on the doors, both front and back were words I never thought I'd write. I won't quote them directly for they were many and many but here was the gist. 'Many things bring us together Tonight, it's bacon and beer But more importantly, friendship. We believe in the 1st Amendment Opinions are often shared loud and proud But tonight, the political kind are off the table. Please come in and join us Grab a beer, eat some bacon Remember what is bringing us together.' The sign came down the next day having done its job, for the time being anyway. I'm holding my friends in my heart I'm holding my neighbors in my heart I'm holding the world in my heart. It beats on We'll beat on Together.

blue -  /blo͞o / - adjective 1.  of a color intermediate between green and violet, as of the sky or sea on a sunny day. 2. informal  (of a person or mood) melancholy, sad, or depressed. The first makes me think of your eyes.  I look at the sky today and it is such a strong hue.  Your eyes were your most prominent feature, that blue standing out against your white hair and pale skin.  Those eyes.  I am pretty sure they even actually twinkled every now and again, when you were being fresh or sassy, as you were prone to be. The second is how I feel today - melancholy that you are gone, sadness that you were in pain.  You were so strong, you were so brave, you were so stubborn.  The doctors and nurses and social workers said they had never seen anyone stay so strong faced with so much.  We know you were hurting.  We know you were ready to see all of your angels - Uncle Kenny, your son Kenny, and your great-grandson Cohen - and...

Can you think of ten reasons that you love someone in your life?  Can you think of twenty?  How about fifty? Nine years ago, we spent the day bowling (my grandfather's favorite past-time) and then to dinner at his favorite restaurant.  When we all gathered for dessert, I pulled my cousins into the next room.  I handed them their "script" and walked them through how we would proceed from there. They joked, calling me teacher, but this was important to me.  It had been my idea, my creation, and I wanted it to be perfect. My cousins and I stood in front of my grandfather, eighty years young. We each took turns reading from the "book" - a book of reasons why we loved him, why he was special to us, how he had impacted our life. Now, my grandfather is a cryer.  My mom and her siblings inherited it from him.  And a few of us grandchildren from our parents.  Let's just say there were very few dry eyes in the room. After the tears had dried, cake h...

1) Comments mean everything.  They mean you're heard, your words have value, and other people care. 2) Keeping a physical notebook was hard.  I did much better when ideas came to me and I started a new blog post and saved it as a draft. 3) Time can be hard to find.  I did better when I set a 30 minute timer for myself for writing and a 30 minute timer for commenting, at separate times of the day. 4) I like writing narratives - which makes me laugh, because I hated writing growing up.  My most fun posts were ones where I told stories - with dialogue, or descriptions, or characters. 5) It makes me happy when my writing makes people feel, not necessarily think.  I thought I would enjoy most the posts that were thought provoking or topics I felt strongly about - but I enjoyed the ones where I tried to make people laugh, or smile, or sigh. I appreciate everyone who took the time to read the words that are carrying me through my life.  I am looking ...